Monday, March 31, 2008


As ever the first thought was to run away from the situation into my own world that tries to shut every one out. And that dreaded misery of having to smile and say niceties to people that I don' t want to ever see. The torture of having to see the glee hidden behind their questions when I tell them how jobless I am. I am more than that. I know that I am more than that and I don't need people to tell me that I am not what I think I am. while trying to convince them that I am trying hard, I get convinced that I am really nothing and nobody.
Is everyone else so dependent on what the world thinks and tells them to do? Do these things press everyone down too? Or am I the only nincompoop unable to handle anything. Receiving a laminated sheet that proclaims that I am an engineer, but doesn't convince me that I am one in any way was one of those moments that I want to banish forever from my memory. (Is it just coincidence that these kind of incidents are happening more often than ever now?)
But this is it. I have never been lower than this ever before. And I still don't know if I can go further below, in terms of self worth and balance. I have kept telling myself all my life that I will get that feeling of self worth and the 'guts' to stand up to what I think is right and the strength to face human beings - to break free from that nagging voice in my head that never fails to remind me that I will have to be what they want me to be and not myself. Somehow when that time must have been close at hand.. it seems as impossible as it did years ago.
The next job of mine will be to convince people of something that I am completely unconvinced of myself.

Monday, March 17, 2008

Goodbye blog

I decided to say goodbye to one of my blogs. I just realized that I was putting up all that stuff there for myself. I would like to read my thoughts the day I am in a position to realize them. I do need people to carry out these ideas, but I do not need people to approve of them or put them down. I just need the blog as a thought register. I did not intend to write the blog for gaining popularity as a "thinker" or an "altruist". So there is no point in me flaunting and advertising it at all.
It is not completely destroyed. I just made it harder to get to for others, that is all.
I know I will do what I want to do someday. So I don't need people to tell me whether I can/should or not.
If you wish to reach me with your ideas, if you think that closing the blog closed a channel of communication you are welcome to write to me - ruling(dot)world(at)gmail(dot)com

Sunday, March 2, 2008

Bring it on?

Man has continually striven to eliminate the risks to his existence. Against natural forces he built shelters. He eventually even figured out how to use these potent forces to his own advantage. He caged off or killed animals that posed a threat ( or didn't pose one, it didn't matter) From being terrified of everything around him, he has come a long way. He has mastered natural forces and views them with disdain. He even considers himself a saviour of sorts by talking about 'environmental issues' as though nature was having a major malfunction of its own and he had nothing to do with it in the first place. But like it is with life, things get tougher and more complicated.
Man has found a great challenge - greater than any other. The challenge is so complex that it does not show itself explicitly and make itself known. Instead it creeps underground and waits and watches and plans to bring humankind down slowly and steadily. Man has identified this challenge and changes have begun to take place in his psyche.
Have you ever wondered about how when the earth is teeming with people man is eternally lonely? Why does he find newer ways of eliminating the need for human company? Why is he dedicated to creating things like portable music players and mobile phones and networks that enable perfectly impersonal transactions of anything under the sun and substitute humans? Man considers every other man his rival, his challenger who is out to destroy him. Not only in terms of physical necessities - natural resources that get depleted etc. Man finds other people a threat to his emotional existence. He finds himself incapable of dealing with other people who may enter his 'emotional territory'. He puts on masks, so much so that he begins to take those masks for his own nature. But this is not a sign of weakness. It is not the end of the road for the human species. It is another of his survival tactics.
People will stop trying to kill each other in the name of religion and region. They will find easier and more effective ways of eliminating those that will challenge his existence and space and comfort. This means of elimination will not include killing. It will be the rise of a new way of life and thinking in man that will allow him to live independent of anyone else. He will free himself from anything that might cause him to give a thought about other creatures.
That day is not far from now. People are beginning to embrace that way of life more than ever now. Emotions, bonding and need for company will be removed from man's mental makeup sooner than we can analyse or even see this change coming.
Brace yourself and even better get tuned to the new way of life where the only people you will want to see will be people on a screen who can talk to you, but whom you need not talk back to, and you will not be required to give back to others, you will be free to live for no one but yourself, you will no longer crave for human company but will be stifled by it... Not too far away. The future is almost here.