Monday, May 5, 2008

Historic first day

First day at first job. I had spent the whole of last week thinking about how it would be, especially after having spent an entire year at home basically relaxing and having fun. I don't really know what to say about it. Well this place is full of greenery and feels like being in the middle of some rain forest wallpaper if we just cut out the tar roads that keep people from getting completely lost. It looks like there are no people for miles and miles around. It doesn't make me feel lonely. Makes me feel more at home and happy. But the terror starts when I think of what is waiting at the end of the long walk. People - lots of them, whose names I just manage to keep in mind, while I feel idiotically conscious of myself.People I will never get comfortable with but there is something else that is taking all my energy and processing capacity and that is the job at hand. I have no orientation, no time to get used to my environment, no getting into backslapping terms with co-workers etc.Not that I miss all that, but it sort of doesn't give me the feeling that I am actually working here. I almost felt like an intruder this morning but now after the coffee break when we all went out together, I feel a little less awkward. I think it is fine enough that people here are not going to get at me and get me down. But still that makes it bad in a way. Odd as it may seem, I think I manage to get stiff and weird around people who are really nice. Nasty and in-your-face people seem to be more easy to handle. My "boss" also mentioned how they were all like a nice informal bunch that were not bound by stiff rules - probably after seeing me at my stiffest best.That made it worse. If he had scowled a little at me maybe I would have unwound a little.
However, that boring and horribly un-understandable (for the reader) part aside my job seems to be some page out of a scifi movie, the kind that you would have to watch 2 or 3 times (if you had the interest and patience) to understand. It is so terribly contrasting with the rain forest outside that I feel disoriented when leaving one world and entering the other.
I am finding it hard to believe that I will be here for probably one year or more. Now in another half year I will be heading back "home" that is not as terrifying as the workplace, but last night had me waking up in the middle of the night and gasping at the sight of a complete stranger fast asleep in my room. I guess this is a very normal and ordinary situation to be in and I must stop being a kid and get used to all of this, but it is a lil too much to take all together. (Mom don't worry I am just being my usual complaining self and so am perfectly alright.(!))

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

sorry anon-e-mus. Your post had too much of information in it. I will do exactly as you say and have your original comment stored away neatly and safely :) you take care too and keep up your promises

Anonymous said...

Dear Amber light
As ever you are at your creative best !!! Keep posting your deep emotions & you would not be bogged down by them!